So the word came in and my noble steed has become a noble hunk of shiny metal and plastic parts. Apparently, the problem was not that my car was running low on oil and it wasn’t the fuel injector or anything easy like that. What happened, according to our trusty local mechanics, is that the timing chain snapped and promptly began hurling pieced of itself into the engine…
Which transforms the engine into a loudly knocking, sputtering, slow hunk of “holy crap please don’t blow up before I get home”.
Yeah.
Soooo…Ricardo and I are looking at new (to me) cars to replace my steed.
I am really sad about losing this car because it’s the first car I’ve had in my name that has been completely, totally mine. I still have a soft spot in my heard for that first car, my Mazda B2200 series 4-speed Manual transmission which died of a cracked block after over 250k. I still miss Igor, my 1992 Plymouth Acclaim with it’s crushed front hood – the result of my first accident while trying to go to lunch with a car full of friends during lunch rush hour. But the Steed was my first “My car”. The Mazda had been my grandfather’s (who was also my adopted father) and my love for it stems from that. Igor had belonged to my great-grandparents, and was loved for that and for its war-stories from my high school and early college days.
The Steed was in my name, and brought me from Lubbock to Dallas. New car, new life, newer, stronger relationship with my then-boyfriend/now-fiance, and the last year and a half of college. This car has traveled not just miles, but distances of dreams and desires.
I always wanted to live in or near Dallas. This car brought me here.
I wanted desperately to leave Lubbock, to get to a place where I would feel at home, where I would have friends, and support, and where I wouldn’t feel outcast. This car got me here.
I needed a reliable car to go to and from school, from Plano to Richardson, every day in rain, sleet, day and night. This car did that for me.
I needed to feel independent and responsible. The title was in my name, I arranged the insurance, I kept it clean, installed a new radio, took it for oil changes and car washes, checked tire pressure (though probably less often than I should), changed the air filter…and now it’s gone.
I know at the end of the day it’s an object. It’s inert and really the car doesn’t know, care, or feel anything one way or the other.
But I associate a lot of memories and good things with this car, just like the others, and it’s hard to lose it. I finally got up the courage this evening to go clean all my things out.
I’m insisting that we stick the radio it came with back in so I can keep mine – the radio is what made it personal for me when I got it, since I’m such a music nerd – but I peeled off my UT Dallas stickers as much as I could and now we’ll have to sell it for whatever the parts are worth.
I hope we can find it a good home, but most likely it’ll really be sold for someone who wants parts.
Tomorrow we go looking for a new car for me to try and be buddies with.
I’m restless, and excited, and thinking “Can anything ever be as good as this last one?”
Wish me luck, folks. I need a new ride.
Oh, and if anyone wants a 2002 Dodge Intrepid, I’ve got one for sale.

First of all, the install of tv/phone/internet went well at Lovey’s. It’s all set up and we tested her phone earlier so that’s working and she should be able to call anyone in Texas without worrying about long distance charges.
When that was done – it took a while! – I went out to lunch with Ricardo at one of our new favorite places to eat. I fell asleep in the car on the way home so he made me take a nap when we got back to my place. Our plan was, after my nap, I’d chill out for a little while then pick him up at 4:30 so we could go see a movie at 5 – but after I picked him up it started pouring rain so hard I could barely see the lines on the road! So, I suggested that we just have a movie night at home. We just got rained out. I don’t mind so much, though. I get cold in theaters, I always want butter on the popcorn in the bottom of the bag instead of all on top, and it’s expensive! Oh, we’ll probably make it up later, but tonight I’m sort of glad we got rained out. It’ll make for a nice evening in.

This update is coming a week late, but we finally got my grandmother moved into her new apartment! I was quite relieved when all the paperwork went through, and the Assistant Manager – who helped us through the whole process – made sure that everyone was ready to go so that the move-in was delayed only because we had a fun time scheduling movers at the end of the month.
I’ve spent the past week with unpacking, replacing many things that were regrettably left behind and running errands. I’ve made so many runs to Wal-Mart for groceries and odds-and-ends that I think I’ll cry if I have to step through those sliding doors one more time before the weeks is out.
So many things were left behind! Desks, trash cans, a bed frame that was going to go into the smaller second bedroom at the new place as a guest bed, a computer (it was malfunctioning, but perfectly salvageable if I could have just sat down with it for an hour or two!), a table, pots and pans…
So many things are having to be replaced!
There is a bright side to this, though, which is that in replacing these things my grandmother is getting a lot of things that are nicer and in better condition than the things than were left behind. She is enjoying having a place that is not a tiny hole-in-the-wall apartment, and the fact that she’s starting out with sort of a clean slate in terms of decorating and arranging things.
Also, our old house was in a sad state of disrepair because she either physically or monetarily could not take care of upkeep.
Thankfully, she’s mostly settled by now – the most important things are unpacked and Verizon should be coming by Thursday to set up phone, internet and “cable” (fios). Some of the members of the community have noticed us (or her) around and made sure she knows she’s welcome. One couple that lives up on the third floor brought her a loaf of homemade bread and a card to say welcome to the community. Another pair of sweet ladies invited her to bingo nights with their group.
Another advantage – though a little frightening to me – is that the apartment is near enough to mine that, if one wanted, the distance is walk-able (or drive-in-a-cart-able) if you’re willing to cross the street a couple times. The scary part is that the street-crossing is not at a small, residential intersection, but she seems to have gotten the hand of being careful at the cross walks and went out the other day to a small Barbecue place across the street. (I nearly had a heart attack when she told me!)
So…good news all around. Lovey’s settling in well, and things are together enough that I can put my focus back into finding a job.
Along those lines, I’m starting to study for A+ Certification – because it’s one thing to say I’m good with computers and another to have proof on my resume. Ricardo has gifted one of his old, non-working computers to me to fiddle with. (We fixed one up a couple days ago to replace the one that got left behind in the move, which was fun.)
Anyway…I’ll end this rambling update now because it’s late and I need sleep! I have quite a lengthy to-do list for myself since most of my energy has not been going toward things like cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, and job-hunting in the past week.
For family, I’ll make sure that when the new house phone is connected you get Lovey’s number
I hope everyone else is getting to relax a bit – I know I’m going to take a little time when I can – and that you don’t mind my update being so long after the fact!

Yesterday we found an apartment for my grandmother! Yay!
This particular apartment is one we looked at when she was here last summer to visit and see a doctor. At that time it didn’t have any vacancies and, because of that, we weren’t able to even view a unit to see how it would be if we made it onto a wait list.
It’s a senior community – over 60 only – the apartment is set up pretty well for the disabled, and they have a lot a little amenities that should make living there a lot more fun and convenient than living in a regular apartment complex.
For one thing, it’s quiet. They have a breakfast for the residents twice a month, plus coffee (or tea) and snacks every morning in the lounge/tv room. They have a small library in the main building, a beauty salon that’s open twice a week, and water and trash pickup is included in the rent. All of those are a big plus. The trash pickup is wonderful. I didn’t realize how nice that was until I moved into my place, where I have trash pickup. It’s wonderful to not have to lug everything out to the dumpster several times a week.
Another big, big plus is that this place has a lot of income controlled units and at the moment they have (well, had since we’re getting it) a two bed/two bath apartment available at the same price as a one bedroom.
The extra space may not have been necessary, but since she’s moving from a three bedroom house it is an advantage. Plus, the master bathroom has enough room for her to get in and out in her wheelchair easily. They also said they’d replace the stove with one that had all the burner knobs on the front so she can reach them, and that anything else she needed they would do. Wonderful!
I’m really glad that everything there is like a little community, too. It would be weird for her, I think, to move to a place where you aren’t always friendly with your neighbors.
Here I hardly know who my neighbors are. I just assume they’re the people I see around my building the most frequently.
At this place, they have little parties and get-togethers, card games, etc. every day. They also have buses that go to the local grocery stores here so if she’d rather get out and go rather than just giving me a list then she should be able to get a ride.
This place is also really close to where I live, so it’s comforting to know that if she needs me for anything I’ll be nearby.
Anyway, I’m planning to go to the gym today (finally I can go without worrying about where my tooth was pulled) and work out. I’m going to have a busy day today!

Took my last final exam (hopefully ever) yesterday and I think I did very well. I got the grade in on the one class I was concerned about and it was an A so all is well! My mom and little brother will be in town tomorrow for graduation so I’ll be pretty busy! I’ll try to get the Audubon pictures up with my next post, but it may not be until after the graduation celebrations and such are over. (Celebrations involve a short vacation with my fiance to celebrate both graduation and my birthday )
Thanks for your encouragement, everyone! It really helped me get through all of this because I was feeling more than a little psyched out. It’s good to know when people are rooting for you.

Just a quick update…
My sunburn has turned into a nice tan. No peeling, no blistering. Pass go; collect two hundred dollars!
My last exam is on Wednesday, and I need to study hard because I know exactly what to expect from this test. There is no multiple choice. It’s all short-answer and a 500-word handwritten essay. No notes, no open books. Tough stuff, but easy to study for once you know what’s what. (And I do, since this is the second time I’ve had this professor and the midterms are the same format.)
Did a bunch of laundry today and filled up my fridge with healthsome foodstuffs. More tomorrow because I’m planning on letting my mom and my little brother stay here while they’re in town for my graduation. Still working on who will sleep where. My mom has seniority, but my brother is about 6″1′ and the couch, while comfy, is not quite long enough for him. It seems rude to have a guest sleep on the floor…but I do have some extra thick blankies. (Which are what I’ll be washing tomorrow.)
Ricardo and I went on an awesome date Saturday at the Dallas Audubon (or whatever it’s called). We went on a short guided hike to the Trinity River, then on a longer, unguided hike through the grounds together afterward. Ricardo got some amazing pictures, which I plan to share here later. We saw a massive banded water snake, a cardinal, several species of butterflies and moths, bees, one terrifying hornet, tadpoles…and we heard a rather well-hidden bullfrog. The pictures tell the story better than I could. The weather was perfect for the hiking, and we had a great lunch afterward. (Mmm…chile relleno…) There are, unfortunately, no pictures of the food. Just fond memories.

I had this brilliant idea yesterday. It involved going out by the apartment’s pool and lounging in a beach chair with a book. It was, in my opinion, one of the best ideas I’ve ever had. The only problem is that I didn’t have any sunscreen. The last tube of the stuff I had gave me a really fantastic rash all over my face, ears, and neck. So I tossed it out and never bothered to buy anymore. I figured I would be fine since I’ve always tanned easily, but not burned easily, and I would surely only stay out for about half an hour.
Well, folks…it’s been a few years since I’ve been out in the sun for any real length of time. My skin got pasty. I was outside for two hours. I am…toasty. Thankfully, I wasn’t in a swimsuit and I had my back to the sun so the front of me and my face (thanks for a floppy hat) are fine.
But the backs of my legs and shoulders are very burned. In fact, it looks like this:

I turned in my last paper yesterday! Now all I have left is an exam on the 12th, which I’ll start studying for sometime this weekend. For now I’m going to enjoy having a little time off. It’s nice not to be scrambling to finish papers and keep up with reading like I’ve been doing for the past month or so! My only problem now is trying to stay optimistic.
My friends and family love me, but the truth is that I’m a downer. I predict doom on a regular basis and frequently, but not always, I find that I like it that way. I call it realism. Everyone else calls it pessimism. (And they’re probably right, but I won’t really admit it.)
So…the closer I get to graduation the more often I find myself saying: “Yeah, but it would be just like me to fail a class out of nowhere and not actually graduate.” Really, truly, I’m trying not to do that. I’ve always had A’s and just a couple B’s at UTD (and…I think that “A’s” is grammatically incorrect, but how else do I keep from just saying “as” with a capital “A”?). None of the classes has been hard. Challenging, yes, but not just dog hard. It looks like I’m even coming out with a B in Statistics! So…why am I worried?
Because phobias aren’t logical, that’s why.
Anyway…I do find that I can be pretty optimistic about it when I try. Strangely, logic leads away from doom this time.
Another thing to look forward to: dinner with a friend that I haven’t seen in months. We live pretty close, but she is very hardworking and she is married, so the lion’s share of her free time goes toward her hubby and, hopefully, to relaxing. Not seeing each other often does nothing to diminish the friendship, but dang I miss her!!! So, it’ll be really good to get to see her. We’re planning to try and have dinner sometime next week and she’s promised to come to my graduation. (She and I met our first year of college, so it’s a nice little circle for us to meet in college and see each other graduate.)
All in all…I had a good experience at UTD and I am relieved, happy, and sort of smug about having transferred to UTD. Part of me wishes I’d started out there, but I sort of think that the decision to transfer itself was character-building in a way that nothing else would have been. (Probably something that was accounted for in God’s plans, but not mine, right? I’d love to see His accounting book for me just once…before the part where I die…)
Long story short: I am happy to be |—this—| close to being done, but with some small reservations. I just have to make it there, then I can go on vacation with Ricardo, come back home and start whacking at my identity crisis. I’m sort of like the guy from the Shawshank Redemption….”institutionalized”….not that school is prison, but I’ve been at it for 20 years if you count Kindergarten and Preschool.
I’m also at the point where I’ve realized I’m not sure what I want to do for a job. I am leaning away from teaching right now, for a lot of reasons, but I’m not really leaning toward anything in particular either. Everyone has suggestions, but few of them take into account that what they love may not be what I’ll love. A few things sound interesting to me…which I’ll have to investigate more fully. It’s a shame that anything to do with editing is on the East coast (unless it’s textbooks and no thank you).
Wow…so my little reflection has gotten long. Feel free to ignore any parts you choose. I promise next time I write I’ll try to make it less like a “dear diary” thing.

My wedding dress came in today…which is much, much sooner than I expected. Everything I had heard and read led me to believe it would be at least June before I got it, but hey, it’s here! One advantage is that surely this gives me plenty of time for alterations.
Also, if Ricardo and I get fed up with wedding plans now, we can pin up the hem of my dress and elope. Given how expensive it’s starting to look to hold a reception, even for 50 or less guests, that may still be an option. Of course, we haven’t set a date yet, so our plans are pretty open. I’m pretty happy to not be planning a wedding at the moment. (I was gung-ho at the beginning since I’m obsessive-compulsive on planning.) It’s nice that I have some stuff done, like the dress, but I’m glad that I’m not writing papers, studying for finals, AND trying to make a guest list.
Anyway…yay dress. My bit for this wedding is done. I’m ready to just show up in aforementioned dress and say “I do” (or “I will” or “Yes” or “Yeah, buddy”…you know, whatever it takes).
As a side note, my final papers are looking less insurmountable now that I’m into my work-week deadline. Also, one of my finals was moved back a week. Apparently the dean found out we were going to have it on the last day of class instead of the appointed time/date. So, the dean told our professor it *will* be on the appointed time/date, period. (End stop.) I’m glad to have the extra study time and less pressure.
One thing is for certain: my future is staring me dead in the face. I’ve got graduation regalia and my wedding dress hanging from different doors. There’s no getting away from the fact that big changes are coming. It’s good, and scary, and I hope there will be lots of chocolate involved.

What do you do when someone you (thought you) respect(ed) is determined to be insulted by every attempt you make to do the right thing?
And how do you not explode in frustration and/or from hurt feelings??
***Update***
The situation which has me posting this has been resolved, thankfully. I’m still a little miffed because apparently I was paying the carry charges for other people’s baggage (if you can follow that metaphor…I barely can) which is a situation that insults me a little more.
The moral of the story: don’t blow up at people because you’re upset about something or someone else. It makes everyone look bad.